Hey, you.

Photo by Marc Robinson

It’s been a while since I’ve felt so young. I want to thank you for that.

Just last night, while moisturizing various dry spots, I thought to myself, “Girlfriend, accept it. The days of eliciting anger from strange men are behind you.”

And then you happened along in your F-150…

And other observations from a woke mom re-watching 80s movies with teenagers

Dirty Dancing

What I Thought Then: Baby helps people and now that she knows how to dance, she and Johnny will change the world together. Her father’s such a tightass. Relax old man!

What I Think Now: In the span of a day, her father discovers he not only financed…

Pinot Noir: At some point, you’ll agree to an open relationship.

Photo by Haley Truong on Unsplash

My twin sons recently turned 21 and I wrote this guide. You know. To help.

Here’s what your signature drink says about you:

· American beer, any brand — You’ll change your major every other month and blow tuition on Draft Kings.

· European beer, any brand — You’ll support…

Is this a high school or hospital?

  1. Blank stares. Nothing but blank stares when I tell a joke.
  2. Sometimes I’ll stare back and say, “Is this thing on?”
  3. I learned early to never, ever begin a group discussion by asking, “Are you guys hungover or dead?”
  4. I talk to people…

“I’ll give you a hint.”

photo by author

When people ask why I’m walking funny or not exercising, I’m honest. I say, “I had a surgical procedure.” For some, that explanation isn’t good enough. They’re not nosy: they’re concerned. So I’ve been responding to follow-up questions in a variety of ways.

If you’re dealing with a certain kind…

And other lies we tell our kids

photo by author

When I was your age doctors didn’t give us anesthesia when they went down our throats with a scope. That’d be a slap in the face to those of us who dated Italians or went to Catholic school. And not a good slap in the face either.

When I was…

No dude. We cannot be Facebook friends.

I only had two official options when responding to your friendship request: Confirm or Delete. Confirm was beyond the realm of possibilities. Delete? Too easy.

Delete is reserved for former co-workers who throw around “supposably.”

You deserve a detailed response.

Dude.

Yes, I…

Or is he just really into fantasy football?

Photo by Marjan Grabowski

I can totally hear him when he’s on the phone. He tries to keep his voice down. But he’s a Jewish man whose family originally hails from the Bronx.

They consider soft-spoken meshuga.

Recently, his calls have taken a turn. With elevating…

“Who’s up for a fun game of pickle ball?”

“He scheduled our date for 8pm. So it’s over. I don’t date cocaine addicts.”

“When I was your age, coming out as a demisexual meant a party where your best friend asked the Ouija board if you’d stay a virgin forever. Then pushed it to yes.”

“Liz Phair, Garbage, and…

A post-pandemic guide

Photo by Levi Guzman

Former deal-breakers aren’t deal-breakers anymore.

We’ve spent 15 months horrified by our friends’ political views on social media. Unfriending left and right. Rethinking inner circles. Weeding out racists or those who vote like racists.

That’s fine. Good to have standards.

But let’s relax expectations in other, less important categories. Otherwise…

Catherine Durkin Robinson

I’m a writer and activist. In my spare time, I investigate missing socks. (1287 found since 1995) Follow me on Twitter: @cdurkinrobinson

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